It took me 40 Years to get here

40 is not the new 20, or even the new 30. It’s 40.  I know this because it took me 40 years to get here.

The most important thing I’ve learned in 40 years is this: if you want to be happy and successful, who you spend time with matters the most.

When you put yourself out there, set a big goal, or celebrate how much you love your life, people respond in one of two ways. They either say: “That’s so cool!” or “Who does she think she is?” They might not say exactly these words, but they say some variation that all mean the same thing: they either support your happiness and goals or they don’t.

Those who don’t support you don’t always come right out and say it. It’s in the subtle jabs masked as “good-natured” jokes. It’s when they hear your dream and question if you can really accomplish it, or remind you of times when you’ve tried and failed. It’s when they see you start to grow and bring you back to a time in your life when you struggled and remind you of who you used to be; who you really are. It’s the consistent criticizing comments, the eye roll when they think you aren’t looking, the things they say to your mutual friends. All these things say the same thing: they don’t support you, don’t believe in you, and they don’t like that you’re doing it. Whatever “it” is.

These non-supporters can be good friends, old friends, family members, or people you hardly know on social media. There are dozens of reasons why they might not be on your side. I’ve heard people say it’s a reflection of them not you, and I believe that is true. The thing is, it doesn’t matter why they don’t support you. They just don’t. Spending time trying to figure out why they don’t is like wondering why that person you went on a date with never called you again. It doesn’t matter why. You just have to move on.

I’m not recommending that we drop all of these people. Some are important people in our lives because of history or something else, and I still have some of them in my life.  I do recommend that we limit our exposure to them.  There is a part of most of us that believes this criticism, and when we hear it, it can bring us down and set us back.

I’ve learned that if I want to keep moving forward, I can’t focus on these people. They will continue to watch and criticize, but their lack of support really isn’t about me. It’s about them. Sometimes they come around and start celebrating with me, and I love when that happens. But until then, they aren’t adding positivity to my life, and they aren’t going to help me keep growing. To get to where I’m going, I need to surround myself with people who celebrate my goals and happiness. The “That’s so cool!” people.

The people who choose to support me can also be good friends, old friends, family members, or people I hardly know on social media. I have found that they all have one thing in common: they are happy and successful, with whatever success means to them. People who are happy and successful like to see other people happy and successful. They don’t really care how you achieve success, they’re just glad to see you doing it. They don’t really care what makes you happy, they’re just glad to see you happy. These people like to celebrate and support you, even if they hardly know you. It took me almost 40 years to learn this, and now, these are my people.

I now ignore the critics. Their noise is not about me. I no longer dull my happiness, shrink my goals, or pass my achievements off as luck to make others comfortable. I surround myself with supportive, happy, successful people as much as possible. I seek out opportunities to work with and spend time with them. The more time I spend with them, the more successful and happy I become, and the bolder I become about celebrating it. My life is not perfect, but it’s fantastic. I love the journey I’m on, where I am right now, where I’m going, and the people who are coming with me.

If we continue to grow, life really does get better with age. As I enter my 40’s, I’m going to continue to celebrate: celebrate the happiness and success of my friends, and celebrate my own life loudly, boldly, and without apology.

40 is not the new 20, or even the new 30. It’s 40. It took me 40 years to get here, and it was worth the wait. Cheers!